just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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