Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
