I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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