The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
