whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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