I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
