Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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