i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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