i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
