If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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