how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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