No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
