Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
