Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
