Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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