i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
