there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
