Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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