Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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