Acid is not a monday night drug
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
