I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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