therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
