Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
