which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
