the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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