shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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