I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
