I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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