I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
