Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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