And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize