somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
sex in a hospital.. check
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
