And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
