How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
