Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
