good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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