i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
