I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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