When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
