is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
