Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
