My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
