You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
