Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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