it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
