I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
