it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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