question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize