I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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