she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
