I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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