Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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