I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
