I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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