Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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