he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
