worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
