We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
