OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
