matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize