Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think I just sharted jello shots
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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