Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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