I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I just sharted jello shots
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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