he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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