Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
smell my finger.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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