He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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