He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize