Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize