I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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