I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
