Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
