I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize