So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Come share oat with me in your robe
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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