16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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