ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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