True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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